Hostile Start Makes for Divorce

According to USA Today, experts can predict, within three minutes of the onset of a quarrel, which couples will divorce. “The biggest lesson to be learned from this study is that the way couples begin a discussion about a problem-how you present an issue and how your partner responds to you-is absolutely critical,” says pioneering researcher and psychologist John Gottman of the University of Washington in Seattle.

Newlyweds heading for divorce start an argument by sending out hostile vibes through their tone of voice, facial gestures, and what they say, the six-year study finds. The biggest problems occur when the woman brings up an issue “harshly” and critically, and the man responds with great negativity, say Gottman and study co-author Sybil Carrere. (Gottman’s earlier research showed that women initiate discussions about problems about 80% of the time.)

In a lab setting, the research team taped 124 prescreened couples who had agreed to discuss an issue they found troublesome. The team coded five positive emotions and 10 negative ones, including disgust, contempt, belligerence, whining and stonewalling. Communication problems were the most frequently chosen topic. In stable couples, both spouses expressed fewer negative and more positive emotions at the start of discussions than those who eventually divorced.

Study results will be published in the journal Family Process.